My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
