just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
