soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
