I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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