We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
