You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
