Swine flu. Run for my life!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You ate ashes out of my bong
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
