apparently the secret to your success is patron
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
