I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
