You were right. It hurts to walk today.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
