All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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