Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
