like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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