we made out on top of his cat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
