and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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