Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He passed out mid-signature
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
