If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A+ Viking dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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