i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
