i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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