Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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