I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize