im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
