went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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