when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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