Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
