phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
