Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i have two assholes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
