who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
