I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
