We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize