where does the pee come out of this thing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
