My cat gives me a boner
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
