I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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