Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize