The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
