She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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