I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
