Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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