My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
mondays should just be called national damage control day
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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