You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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