Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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