Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
