What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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