You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize