I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Found the puke drawer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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