he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
