I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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