guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
