Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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