What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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