i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
