i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
