Nicole vs. Life
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
