Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
