I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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