You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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