he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
