I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
