he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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