508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
