today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
