Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
