Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
