Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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