I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
