Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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