Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize