How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
