Just fell off a train. Bad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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