I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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