drinking out of a sandbucket again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
