you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
